Ah that's awesome ! Had gym today and was preparing for 2010 sec 1 orientation CCA fair thingy . Damn tired . Shall end here .

Yes , wasn't sure if there's training , so just went to school and in the end there isn't . Met Adeline at the school hall and we decided to go macs to chill and have breakfast and then Dione called . She came to join us too (: We laughed and talked damn loudy . HAHAHAH . Omg , Dione can be lame , but i've no idea why whatever she say i'll just laugh til my stomach hurts . She's super funny . Actually she met up with us first , and then she said because of some stupid Mr Khairul , she gotta go back to school and ask him something , so me and Adeline carried on . Ordered food at macs .

 Adeline : Eh i think Dione's having a hard time eh . She went back for so long already still haven't come back .                                                                                                           

 Me : Er ya hor . ( laughs )

Dione suddenly came . 

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH , OMG its so damn funnnny ! Both of us started laughing really loudly and badly . Haha though its quite mean but the way she say it was really really omg i really can't help but to laugh . Dione sat down and munch on Adeline's food cause she can't finish them . Guess what . Dione chop the pancake into like a million pieces and apply it with some disgusting sweet sauce and she ate it . She ate like there's no tomorrow for the first few bites until i told her to chill . HAHAHAHAHA ! omg . And then the topic of conversation that we're sharing was : JERK ALERT ! HAHAHA . Ahem ahem . HE'S A TOTAL JERK . And Adeline claims that she wanna take the clubs and whack his head a million times but i thought by then he'll just be in coma forever or just die and kick his fucking dick . OMG ! HAHA . I swear i had a good time with them laughing my lungs out .

Went to cousins' house for lunch and everything . BLOATED I SWEAR . Can you imagine ? Just after breakfast at 10.30 to 11 was lunch at 1 ? Just a 2 hour difference and i had so much food for breakfast ? At home was buns with milk and then at macs was some fish burger meal . OMG I'M GROWING FAT . Yes i am .

Next thing . Training . Though i didn't wanna think about it but i guess i just have to face it , cause its a sooner or later thing , again . -.- I can't believe i even sort of threw tantrums at lao shi , but she didn't say anything , cause i think she probably know that i was really really tired and like worn out . My routine was total shit , but it wasn't so bad at the behind . Juniors and lao shis and gymmates my age put high hopes on my and look up to me . But i don't seemed to be working very hard for competition . In fact , frankly speaking , i've been slacking all these while . And i don't deserve to be looked up to . The person that's really working hard is Jin hui , my awesome teammate . She believes in working hard would get paid off and everything . And she would do her best in each and everything she'd do . But i'm so not like her . I would slack when we do drills and when we're stretching . Though i looked like i've been training so hard to be what i am today . Bullshit . I've always been slacking and lazing around and the person that's always encouraging me and helping me and pushing me from behind when we train for competition is Jin hui . See that ? I don't even give a damn about myself and i even need someone to care about my gym life on whether it's gonna rot soon . I'm just hopeless la ; As for flexibility , for me , it might be cause i'm born with it or whatever crap , cannot be train one . Cause the problem is i wasn't even really training for it . Not just that but everything . Well , what i feel is that i'm just weak . I need friends and people and seniors to support me whenever i'm training . Cause i'll just lose patience in myself when i don't get things right . And i'll just get really frustrated and then tada i give up . Yesterday when no one came , lao shi trained me like mad . But so far out of 10 throws , i caught none of them . That's how shit i am and how rusty i am without training for long . Dione told me she'll be coming but in the end she didn't , but i was waiting and hoping that a miracle somehow happen and she would suddenly appear to at least make me not so fed up , same goes to Adeline . But i waited to no avail . I gave up . Ding dong , 12 pm . Noon time and lunch time . I haven't even eaten anything except for the chicken wing i stold from Jin hui during break time . But i don't think i even deserved a break , so i didn't talk to lao shi about it . I continued training . " BYEBYE SUHUI ! " was what i heard from Jin Hui while i was training . Omg i just felt worse . Its like when you need your friends and gymmates badly , none of them appeared to help you and everything , but its the other way round , they leave you slowly . I felt like shit , seriously . "Bye." was what i said with a small wave to her in return . I whacked my chin and kissed the floor after doing 3 bridge down roll overs . It was terrible , and i didn't realise i was bleeding until i tasted something metalic and asked lao shi for permission to get ice to freeze the blood to prevent myself from dying . I bleed like free when i went to wash the would . The top part of lip was swollen while the lower part was sort of wounded . Grah , it hurts but i just didn't care about it. Went up to train again . Worse day of training ever , i swear .

Woke up early the morning and head to school after shower for gym . Sucks ass i swear . I went just to talk to gym mates and nothing else . I think i'm just gonna drown myself in the big list of gym trainings til the last day of December . I seriously have no idea how my life's gonna go on , but i don't feel like thinking about it and i don't wanna think about it cause it'll just easily kill a zillion brain cells of mine . I can't believe i was damn glad that lao shi didn't come today to bian my routine for me ? i mean , i know it doesn't do me any good but i just hope that she can just don't come and give me a break though we had quite a long break already after exams til now . Today was barely even training , and i find myself rusting more and more like i can just totally give up and go bang the wall and die ? I've no idea why lao shi has high expectations on me , when i actually can suck so much . -.- i just screwed up everything today and lao shi that came today was rather patient with me but i know her patience won't last long if she were to teach me , cause i can tell she's rather frustrated today when i kept dropping the hoop . But one thing good about her is that she'll make sure you get it no matter what , and her limit for patience is somehow quite a big range , so i don't feel as bad when i screw up everything but she did sort of punish me to do some li liang but its so far alright for me . I'll rather do li liang for the whole lesson than stand and wait for lao shi to fish out a weird routine for me . I'll rather just die . I was really really tired today after getting home . I threw myself on my bed immediately after getting into my room without even showering or changing . I bet mom's got something to nag and say about already . But i don't think i even care for anything for now . I'm just so so so tired though i've no idea what've i been doing these few days . Just slacking ? But i just feel like i'm dying the next minute . I almost drown when i was showering cause i was half sleeping ? or should i say 99.9 percent brain shut ? Training sucks now i swear and i finally understand why Jodie and Adeline didn't really like optionals . Don't say compete , i'll drop dead by the end of this holiday practices , don't say competition . I'm really really afraid of screwing up , cause i know i'm someone that would forget every single shit be it easy or difficult when my small brain gets mixed up or confused or nervous or whatever or everything . Please luh , i can barely even remember what comes after what for today's simple routine , i seriously've no fucking idea on how am i going to survive when the whole damn routine is done . And for goodness sake , screwing up routine for me is not going to make my life easy in gym as long as lao shi exists . She'll torture the hell out of you . And she WILL . There's training tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and the next and next next and next next next week and after that and after after that . It'll never end will it ? Stress is it . Sometimes i feel like just leaving everything for others to do . Which i don't think such thing exist . HELP .

Can i say , i quit ? 

 I don't think so eh ?

Caught my sister's keeper today . Omg i swear it was damn touching and sad . Most people ended up tearing after movie . Dinner at home was awesome and tomorrow's gym ! Frankly speaking , i don't really look forward to training . Cause i know its gonna be damn tiring and i hate to see the expression on lao shi's face when she's teaching me . I can tell that she's losing her patience , just that she didn't really show it out . But i know she would one day . Its just a sooner or later thing . And i've to face it , somehow .

Thought of meeting up with Adeline on the 23rd which i think i'm free though . Well i think i look forward for tomorrow is just to meet gym mates and spend time with them and nothing else . Its so boring to stay at home anyway . Plus i miss gym for another reason is that we get to ti tui and ya tui together and train together . I mean , its the company that counts for me for now . Thinking back , i used to look forward to gym cause i can get to learn new stuffs after every training , but now to think how much i suck in it after not training for long makes me feel damn shit . Cause i know if i were to go back to train now i'll get nothing but scoldings and critisism from coaches , and i don't think that helps for me to improve and catch up with everything that i've not been touching up for past few months of no-training-cause-of-exams .

Well , fought over with bro for stupid things in the afternoon before going out and it was just really really really stupid . For so many years we've grown up together , we're argueing over who's washing the dishes after meals , who's gonna mop the floor for mom , who's putting the clothes out to dry , who's doing all the crap that we were suppose to help mom in the housework . Though sometimes i really feel that i've not been understanding , cause bros're having As and another having some uni "i-don't-know-anything-about-it" exam . And i can tell that they're really stress over it . I can be talking to them regarding a certain matter and after 10 minutes they claim that i wasn't even talking to them . That's scary . But sometimes i really can't stand their moodswings . Omg , like disco ball . Never mind . But after all , we grew up together , have to live with it , cause we're still siblings , and they've been great all the while . And i count myself lucky to have them as my siblings .

All the best for exams !

  Awesome day at East Coast with 2/7 , the great class (: Let the pictures do the talking !

                                     

HAHA . Thanks for inviting me to church kay ? And anyway , not confirm can come fort the saturday thing luh . Hmm okay some words for you . I really really really wanna thank you for forever appearing at the right moment during gym to cheer me up when i start raining cause of lao shi's comments and everything . As you said , we're like army mates haha . Yeah ! I agree , its like when lao shi press us down for splits , we'll be like ahhhhhhhh nooooooo omgomgomgomg come on bear with ittttttt... haha right ? but that's what i tell myself luh . hmm , and apart from gym . Church thing and your class mates . You introduced almost the whole world to me (: and i can have people saying hi to me without me even knowing who are they cause you introduced too much people for me to store every of them in my small brain . You make sure i at least smile and laugh and talk in church so that i can make new friends , though i felt quite awkward at times cause i've nothing to say and i've no idea what to say cause i don't know any of them well . I'll try my best to make it this saturday though i've piano class . And also , christmas and swimming ! (: hahahaha . Bet its gonna be fun and fun and more fun ! (: Anyway , as usual , you can still share stuffs with me , be it nonsense or important issues or troubles , though i may not be the best person for you to talk to but i'll try my best to help in whatever i can . I missed all the fun we had together especially with Adeline during gym when you appear suddenly and do a forward roll to make us laugh . Many times you even made a fool of yourself just to make us laugh and also to lighten up the atmosphere in gym so that it won't so boring like training and training and break and drink water and back to training . And yeah yeah yeah . One more thing . You need not put a brave front in front of your friends when you're upset yeah ? i mean , who doesn't get upset at times and feel like pouring and vomiting everything out ? We're all girls . It's alright to cry when we're really upset right ? So yeah , i'll give you a zillliioooonnnn hugs when you're upset , ben 10 stuffs if you want to , 24 hour talking session ( if my mom wouldn't say anything , i'm more than willing to sit down to listen to you ) , or maybe even cry together with you when i can't help . ( haha sometimes it makes me feel better ) i promise i'll do whatever i can in my "limit circle" to help you if you've problems . I love you , and i miss you , and i look forward to seeing you lighting up the atmosphere in gym again . Hope to see you soon (: again , i love you and thank you .

 Awesome thing to do ! Went to shop at Dhoby and Orchard while waiting for dad to come join us for dinner . Had snack at secret recipe . CHEEEESSSSEEE CAKE (: Awesomeness . Got a piece from kino at taka last minute and then home sweet home cause my legs are aching like mad . Today was boring , stone at home for piano practices and some school holiday homework ?