Woke up early the morning and head to school after shower for gym . Sucks ass i swear . I went just to talk to gym mates and nothing else . I think i'm just gonna drown myself in the big list of gym trainings til the last day of December . I seriously have no idea how my life's gonna go on , but i don't feel like thinking about it and i don't wanna think about it cause it'll just easily kill a zillion brain cells of mine . I can't believe i was damn glad that lao shi didn't come today to bian my routine for me ? i mean , i know it doesn't do me any good but i just hope that she can just don't come and give me a break though we had quite a long break already after exams til now . Today was barely even training , and i find myself rusting more and more like i can just totally give up and go bang the wall and die ? I've no idea why lao shi has high expectations on me , when i actually can suck so much . -.- i just screwed up everything today and lao shi that came today was rather patient with me but i know her patience won't last long if she were to teach me , cause i can tell she's rather frustrated today when i kept dropping the hoop . But one thing good about her is that she'll make sure you get it no matter what , and her limit for patience is somehow quite a big range , so i don't feel as bad when i screw up everything but she did sort of punish me to do some li liang but its so far alright for me . I'll rather do li liang for the whole lesson than stand and wait for lao shi to fish out a weird routine for me . I'll rather just die . I was really really tired today after getting home . I threw myself on my bed immediately after getting into my room without even showering or changing . I bet mom's got something to nag and say about already . But i don't think i even care for anything for now . I'm just so so so tired though i've no idea what've i been doing these few days . Just slacking ? But i just feel like i'm dying the next minute . I almost drown when i was showering cause i was half sleeping ? or should i say 99.9 percent brain shut ? Training sucks now i swear and i finally understand why Jodie and Adeline didn't really like optionals . Don't say compete , i'll drop dead by the end of this holiday practices , don't say competition . I'm really really afraid of screwing up , cause i know i'm someone that would forget every single shit be it easy or difficult when my small brain gets mixed up or confused or nervous or whatever or everything . Please luh , i can barely even remember what comes after what for today's simple routine , i seriously've no fucking idea on how am i going to survive when the whole damn routine is done . And for goodness sake , screwing up routine for me is not going to make my life easy in gym as long as lao shi exists . She'll torture the hell out of you . And she WILL . There's training tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and the next and next next and next next next week and after that and after after that . It'll never end will it ? Stress is it . Sometimes i feel like just leaving everything for others to do . Which i don't think such thing exist . HELP .

Can i say , i quit ? 

 I don't think so eh ?